So I thought I'd drop in on Old Roybert as I was driving through his neck of Pennsylvania on Tuesday – you know, see if he's as cantankerous in person as he is online. I thought y'all would appreciate what I found out while there...
I pulled up to a neat little house with vinyl siding a bit after 6pm with a cold six pack. After giving up trying to find the front door and a doorbell, I eventually found a way in through the basement and worked my way upstairs where I met Roy's wonderful wife. Best part of the visit right there! No idea how she puts up with him, I think she has hidden super powers that keep him check.
First, I was taken back a bit. You see, not only is there no front door to the house to find, but the inside of Roy's house doesn't match the outside. If you flip through some pictures he's posted, you'll see what I mean. The outside could fit into a suburban neighborhood while the inside is straight out of hunting lodge – complete with the old dog.
In exchange for the fresh, cold beers I brought, Roy shoved a plate full of rotten cabbage into my hands and told me to eat. I should have known he was trying to hurt me then and there – nothing like beer and cabbage to make for a long night!
Once satisfied I had consumed enough to start the irreversible chemical reaction, he suggested we walk down the pond. The walk down the hill is more treacherous than would imagine that old coot of being capable of handling. I kept having this weird feeling that I was going to get tripped from behind at any moment, even with Roybert in front of me.
At the pond he grinned like a Cheshire cat as he showed me how he could make just about anything disappear with his swarming school of ravenous fish that he stirred into a feeding frenzy for my benefit. I had no idea you could keep piranhas in Pennsylvania, but there you have it. And that was nothing compared to the scene out of Hitchcock's "The Birds" that came next. I was happy to get the hell out of there when he suggested we take cover in the bow shop.
In the shop I just about broke my neck trying to balance on the rickety old stool he pushed at me still smiling. He gave me some airborne samples of the dust that some people who visit his shop apparently find themselves highly allergic to while pulling old sticks off the wall to show me. The sneezing in that shop still haunts me days later. When he stepped out of the shop to go get a bow to show me, I tried switching stools with him. But the old fart was one step ahead of me there too – the second stool was just as deadly! How he could balance on that after drinking all those Coors Lights, I have no idea.
When he came back, he showed me a recent bow that he had made that didn't make the cut. Something about how it could break at any moment. He had a devilish smirk on his face as he said I should take it with me so he wouldn't have to look at it anymore. I explained that I already had enough firewood at my house, but that just made him angry. He threatened to cut the sucker in half right there and beat me with the pieces if I didn't humor him. Imagine a more agitated version of Yosemite Sam and you'll understand what I was dealing with.
The hour was getting late anyhow, so I decided to just take the bow and try to make my exit. I told Roy I would pass it along to a deserving soul who needed such a bow and he lightened up a bit. What I didn't realize was that he was anticipating the humor of a stranger trying to back up and around his driveway in the dark without needing a tow truck. I eventually got out, but not before the old gnome was rolling on the ground laughing at my troubles.
When my meetings ended the next day and I started the five hour drive home it hit me: the time bomb he put in my digestive tract. Turns out your mileage drops if you drive the whole way with your windows wide open.
Well Wednesday night I was home from my travels and started putting my stuff away. My youngest daughter came down and asked what the stick in my car was. When I explained it was a bow, she thought I was kidding. So I strung it up to show her. She eventually got past the bright yellow decoration on it, but she still thought I was pulling her leg. So we went down to the target butt to shoot a few shots with it and prove it to her. (Besides, I had to figure out what level of friend I was going to give this too.) I had the good sense after my revelations about Roybert to have her stand way back and we both wore safety glasses. But the old skunk still had one more laugh at my expense. You see, when I dropped the string on that first arrow, my left radius and ulna both buckled and three of my teeth were knocked clean out of my mouth by the hand shock. I'm still seeing spots and feeling a bit of nausea.
The bow is still lying where the EMTs left it. Heck, it's still in one piece which makes it the winner in our little duel. Luckily the fire pit is only a few feet away. It's taken me since then type to this warning to y'all with only my right hand. Beware those who have made Roy's thumpin' list! He may look small and harmless, but he will surely have the last laugh!
:biglaugh: :biglaugh:
Freaking hilarious. You made me laugh out loud at work!
You are a brave, brave man, canopyboy. Kudos to you for entering the lair of the beast and living to tell the tale. :scared:
:campfire:
Lmao :thumbsup: I have to be more careful than you and still have to watch my back everywhere I go,cus he's just over an hour or so away from me...I had to install ADT because of meeting him :biglaugh:
OK...honestly all of us who do know Roy personally knows he's just a big plush pink teddy bear with a sailors mouth :biglaugh:
Oh boy...this thread could get fun... I'm always down for a good Roy bashing :deadhorse:
Hey canopyboy....got any pics?
Ya all shouldn't be picking on an old man on his birthday.. :)
Cantaloupe boy, was nice meeting you and the beer was cold... And that one bow you showed me was sweet...
But yer back on the list now son.. :)
QuoteOriginally posted by Roy from Pa:
Ya all shouldn't be picking on an old man on his birthday.. :)
Cantaloupe boy, was nice meeting you and the beer was cold... And that one bow you showed me was sweet...
But yer back on the list now son.. :)
Did I wait until your birthday to post my story? Dang. That's just seems downright mean.
:deadhorse:
Mean or not, it's the funniest thing I've read on here since Roy's story about "meeting" Kenny M at Walmart.
Happy Birthday and many more Roy!
:biglaugh: I'm sitting here on site in my truck laughing my butt off while my guys are looking at me like I lost my mind!!! That was a needed break to the stress !! Thx Canopyboy!!
And I guess , thx Roy!? And happy BDay to Roy!!!
A hell..
I didn't know it was B-day Roy.
Happy Birthday!
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: god that was good story telling!!
Happy B-day Roy!!!
Happy birthday on D day Roy!
Dave.
Happy birthday Ol'Man!!!
Fuzz Nutz :)
an' i thought that when guys got to yer age they stopped counting... oh well- have a great day fella! :thumbsup:
great story telling! Very descriptive :bigsmyl: got me my big laughs for the day.
Yer not cantaloupe boy any more..
From now on, yer melon balls.. :)
It's always a good time at Roy's.
Happy Birthday you old fart.
Dave - That was great! Roy has tried his best to ruin my digestive track too with hot peppers and beer.
Happy Birtday Roy! Gonna miss you at Marsh Hill tomorrow.
Ya John, I'm sitting here kicking my butt because I decided not to go this weekend... Dammit...
Well well... I don't always post on trad gang but when I do its to wish a friend happy birthday.
Happy birthday old man. Keep dodging the reaper by sticking close to your angel of a wife.. haha
Happy birthday Roy! And may you enjoy many many more!
Happy Birthday, Roy! :thumbsup:
Happy Birthday Roy, are you to codger status now? :D :wavey:
Here ya go, Roy. Hope you had a good one. :)
(http://i376.photobucket.com/albums/oo207/okdoak/900x900px-LL-a944225f_gallery8686761320895561_1320895622_1320895659_zps7ab46111.jpeg)
QuoteOriginally posted by Roy from Pa:
Ya John, I'm sitting here kicking my butt because I decided not to go this weekend... Dammit...
Yep, you missed a fine time Roy. Jonathan (Monkey Boy) and I didn't get there till the afternoon, but we got some good shootin' in and I'm sure Monkeyball (Craig Updegraff) will have some good pics coming soon in the Trad Events and Gatherings form.
Belated happy birth day ol'son. Hop you never got drunk and fell in your pond full of piranha. :bigsmyl: :thumbsup:
He swims in that pond. He smells so much like rotten cabbage the piranhas don't touch him. Plus I'd imagine he pretty tuff and has an aftertaste of coors.
Ha speaking of Yosemite Sam.......
(http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg616/ipe20/Mobile%20Uploads/2014030895184954.jpg) (http://s1246.photobucket.com/user/ipe20/media/Mobile%20Uploads/2014030895184954.jpg.html)
Hope you had a good birthday Roy
I think he's forgetting what he's doing in his old age. Does anyone else see what he's working on....?????? I know, I know, I feel bad for him to..and just look how nasty that shop is...lol
(http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg616/ipe20/Mobile%20Uploads/2014060495211104.jpg) (http://s1246.photobucket.com/user/ipe20/media/Mobile%20Uploads/2014060495211104.jpg.html)
QuoteOriginally posted by D:
Ha speaking of Yosemite Sam.......
(http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg616/ipe20/Mobile%20Uploads/2014030895184954.jpg) (http://s1246.photobucket.com/user/ipe20/media/Mobile%20Uploads/2014030895184954.jpg.html)
Hope you had a good birthday Roy
Oh my.....Roy, I don't want to ever see you giving me crap again for riding and shooting from that horse at Marsh Hill last year!
He does seem to have a way with the ladies though...
They are being paid to be there... like most of his friends. Lol
That picture made me fall out of my chair...
Ya all didn't know I could ride, did yinzs? :)
QuoteOriginally posted by jsweka:
Roy, I don't want to ever see you giving me crap again for riding and shooting from that horse at Marsh Hill last year!
What? You managed to shoot from a moving horse? Or was it maybe a little more stationary:
:deadhorse:
(Damn, I lack the coordination to even go for little jog with out spraining an ankle.)
Here's the photographic evidence. I killed a buffalo from it and Roy keeps making fun of me for such a feat of archery prowess.
(http://i954.photobucket.com/albums/ae23/jsweka/PLA%20Marsh%20Hill%202013/SAM_1170.jpg)
Ride em cowboy.. :)