Anger...is there a book or something that can help a person deal with anger they're not willing to let go of or can't let go of?
Please don't tell me that letting it go will solve it all...it just isn't going to happen, I not able to let things go that have eaten at me for this long. Telling people about them hasn't helped!
I have almost a decade of anger built up that I can't shake, that is with me daily...they're many separate incidents that have added up to a giant hill that I can't get myself off of! I'm beginning to wonder if I simply can't let it go.
I guess I need help dealing with anger I can't let myself forget, forgive or move on from.
Some people find it interesting that I can turn strings out as fast as I can...it's usually because I can't sleep and they're the one thing that for the most part takes my mind away from the negative and allows me to focus on making the best string I can.
Thanks!
Josh
Josh,
That is a beautiful family. I sent you an email.
Might I applaud your courage for reaching out!!
I personally don't know of any quick fixes to long-term, residual anger.
What I do know and shared in a private note was that I KNOW way too many people who live as you do with internal conflict that is eating them alive...
As Christians, we're to let anger go... and that "book" tells us about it, but not "how."
I know a lot of outwardly Christian folks whose anger is a major quiet struggle...but they dont' tell.
I personally tend to let my own anger build by listening to the "voices" that tell me what "should" be and "ought" to be... and guage what others do to me by those standards... :(
My only defense is to go back and outline all that I DO NOT DO that I should and ought to do.. and realize that I am a person who lives ina glass house so I need to dress in the basement!
I wish there were a quick fix...
Keep trying. Keeping opening up. We never stand so tall as on our knees.
Keep the Son in your eyes!
Praying for relief from the anger.
Josh,
I would suggest a therapist. We (or at least I)had an issue about seeing one. Being a cop the culture was to handle it ourselves. For me that wasn't possible, I prayed about things, but God in his wisdom, led me to a therapist. It won't be easy or even comfortable at first, but it will help. Not any different going to the doctor for a broken bone.
Prayers up to guide you to the path to good health.
Nick
Josh,
You're already way ahead of most folks in realizing the anger is hurting no one but yourself. I've collected a bunch of it in my time, but you're not far from laying that burden at the feet of the One who will carry it for you. Whenever I feel despair creeping in, I go back and re-read the book of Job and am reminded that I really don't have any problems. Pray, and we will too. Help starts when you hit your knees. Most people don't grasp that they've become toxic until everyone and everything around them is gone.
Satin loves to have you angry even if it's bottled up anger, anything to take your mind off Jesus so you fate is sealed. There are only two books on the subject the book of life and the book of death, were will you name be written. I pray that your anger is over and if it returns you will take to prayer instead of making strings, and will make bonds with the Lord and your family. Our life here is short so make the best of it, eternity is a long time.
I too will pray for you and this trial. I will hold my comments until such time as I can spend a little time in the word and can put my thoughts on paper so that when I share you will be able to go back and read the things I send you. But there is one thing for sure, you are seeking help and that is a start. Until we accept that we have a problem it can't and won't be fixed. When you start feeling it coming on start praising the Lord for what He has done for you as loud as you can. Sing, shout anything to get your mind off of what is causing you to get angry. I will be getting back to you real soon my brother .......Dusty
I'm praying for you buddy. I understand!
Keeping the Faith!
Magnus
Matthews 5:22
To all...
Thanks for all that have answered on here and via email (thanks Doc)...but I'm really struggling with it.
I've loved hunting since I was a little kid going with my dad, uncles and grandfather! But with events that have transpired over the last 8+ years on our farm I'm at a point where I'm about to give that up. To all that are trying to gain access to a farm don't take it personal when you get told no, there are a lot of family and friends taking up what is hunt able. We have 3500 acres of farmland but since you don't make money off of wooded areas we don't have a lot of area to truly work with. Most of the best areas are behind our land and without crops in the field they fall short!
I don't live near the farm no...I'm 2+ hours away so what little time I have I try to utilize to the fullest. In the last 3 years I've tried looking at all angles of the parts I'm allowed to go and look for every possible ambush site and work it strategically and it hasn't worked.
After years of frustration on the subject I'm at a point where I have to decide if working with what I have is worth doing, that is one of the biggest things against me. The others are conflicts with family over everyday family stuff that adds to the rest...as stated it a progress of events over time.
So...I'm at a point where I need to let it go (which is either something I can or won't allow) or take drastic measures to where I don't include the subject and my hopes won't be crushed every fall. I'm wondering if I can go into next year without hunting in the fall and trying to figure out if that will help or hurt it further.
Thanks for listening!
Josh
Josh I know where your coming from. I am from Wisconsin and lost most of my hunting spots and had some bad family issues. I had terrible anger and I had no intrest to do the one thing I loved the most hunt. I got help through a social worker and then packed my bags and moved west. Best thing I could have done. Sometimes being to close to family is unhealthy. The oppertunities for hunting are endless out here. Its just how hard do you want to work for it. There is no one to tell you where you can and can't go on National forest. In some cases it seems like the mountain is all mine. For the most part the economy has not suffered here like else where. So maybe get a new look on life and start a new legacy for your children in a new place where your free. Hope this helps Scott.
I sent you an e-mail. I have added you to my prayer book as well. God bless you and yours.......Dusty
Nice family on your profile.......
I would also suggest finding a good therapist.
Anger is a secondary emotion based on one of 3 things: Pain, Frustrations (inability to meet a basic need), and Fear. In therapy we take a forgiveness approach. Here are some facts and steps for forgiveness.
FACTS
I forgive for myself
Forgiveness is a process not an act. It takes time and persistence.
Forgiveness is an internal job
Forgiveness is about "Emotional Economics". It cost less to forgive than to hold the pain.
Forgiveness is ongoing.
FORGIVENESS IS NOT FORGETTING. IT IS TAKING THE PAIN OUT OF THE MEMORY.
Re - live and Regret – Don't continue to relive the emotion and the memory, what good does it do to hold on to it.
What are you getting out of holding on to this memory? What are you feelings about this negative, positive, angry, or depressed.
Ask yourself what is your payoff and is it hurting you?
STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
1.Admit you have been wronged and specify the wrong, what are your thoughts about this how were you wronged or how did you wrong someone else?
This is typically and head thing
2.Accept that you have been hurt.
We need to specify the wrong as well as the emotional response. This will come from the heart and the emotion.
3.Make a conscious choice to forgive yourself or others.
Decide to forgive – this is a conscious choice, an act of will
Why/Motive - For your own peace
4.Do it: Say to yourself – "I forgive..... for doing .......
Look for the opportunity to forgive
Look for the good in the other person and yourself
Count your blessings
Accept your responsibility in the situation
Refocus on self improvement – recognize faults but don't dwell on them
What are your options
Be patient with yourself
Celebrate, enjoy, find peace in life
5.Let it go. This is not about justice it is about grace, make amends with yourself or others.
6.Continue to forgive, this will take time it does not happen all at once.
This is a process and ongoing.
FORGIVENESS STEPS II (Fredrick Luskins, PhD)
1 Determine what about the situation was NOT OK with you. Talk about this with a few friends.
2. Allow yourself to do what you need to feel better.
3. Don't feel that you must reconcile with the person. Instead, seek peace and understanding that comes from taking the life experience less personally.
4. Recognize that your distress is coming from hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset, not from the actual offensive event that happened in the past.
5. Use a stress management techniques when you feel upset to temper "flight, flight, freeze" response.
6. Don't expect things from people in your life that they choose not to give you.
7. Rather than mentally replaying the hurtful event, focus your energy on finding alternative ways to get what you want.
8. "A life well lived is your best revenge". Focus on the hurt allows the person to have power over you, so instead, set your sights on the good things around you.
9. Change your grievance stories so that it reflects you honorable choice to forgive.
Hope this helps.
Hunting has become a challenge for many of us.
I too have to drive over 2 hrs to get to a spot I can access...the best hunting is some private land next door where temporarily, I've permission for bow only...then the family takes over for gun. Entrance verboten.
The old gent who owns is in poor health, so that is in jeapordy because either the family will take over or it'll be sold. Either way, Gone!
At this age, in my home area of SE PA, I have watched ALL my hunting sites be built over.
It has to be worse when it's your own family, but what I've seen of some extended families, the old saw that "you can pick your friends, but not your family..."
Many of us... have had to completely find new areas every year or so...sucks.
But, it sure beats sitting home watchin TV...but it does tend to burn one out.
Best wishes for finding an alternative site, avoiding the inflammatory situation and moving forward.
If you got burned every time you touched the stove, you'd learn to not touch the stove. If it ticks you off every time you hit that farm, and you drive 2 hrs to do it, then it seems that there might be logical alternatives...maybe not.
Don't know MI and it might not be possible... but then some feel that about SE PA...I Do, yet I know folks that have access to tons of land...and kill lots of deer.
Right place...right time. :)
Hang in there brother...try to keep the shinny side up!
Praying for you from Texas. Been there my friend.(nut)
Praying that God helps you with your anger liked He helped me.
Josh - I know I haven't earned the right to speak into your life, but, after reading your post, I feel inclined to share. From my years of ministry and working with people, including my own life's struggle with anger, I have found that Anger is a representation of "clutter", and "clutter" is an obstacle to God's grace! What I mean by "clutter" as it relates to anger is that there may be something in your life, your past, a bad experience, that triggers your emotional thoughts of anger? My heart goes out to you cause I have been there...and then I "RECEIVED" a great revelation of scripture, the "peace that surpasses all understanding" really does exist from God! Sometimes Josh, you just gotta laugh it off, cause in the end it is all gonna be just fine! Change is hard, but change is good. Praying for you brother.
josh, it's great how GOD speaks to us at just the right time. i heard a lesson from andy stanley, ( charles stanley's son )just this morning, and realized the reason for so many of my of our emtions comes from not seeing people as jesus does, forgiving them, and showing them the same grace he does. you maybe wondering how this applies to your situation. as the story of jesus teaching of the prodical son, he was talking to the pharises, followers, none believers, and believers, he loved them all no matter what they did or didn't do. just as the father had forgave his son, not knowing what he had done or are what he might do in the future, he welcomed him back, loved him just as he did, yet when they were in there mothers womb. this was all a conviction of why i still have anger built up inside of me, and why i am so judgemental of others. anger still surfaces when i see my ex-wife, she turned my life upside down, took so many things from me, just went on with her life like nothing had happened. GOD has blessed me in so many ways, but i'm still angry deep inside. i live with it everyday, how could she do that, here i'm trying to follow GOD with my life, she doesn't go to church anymore, goes to bars, gambles, and hangs out with all kinds of sinners, and now has the guy i suppected of her cheating with living with her and my girls everyother week. for me my anger comes from me not showing her grace and compassion for where she is, what she is doing or not doing. i understand your anger, you holding on to it, and wanting the people around you to change. i truly beleive the only way you and i can find the peace were seeking and the answers to our anger is to except the way things are, stop trying to change them, to make them see how they have hurt us, is to realize GOD loves them just as he does us, show them grace, and realize GOD is going to continue to bless us, and work in our lives. until we surrender it to him, give all our anger to him, we are the ones that will suffer. all the material things i lost, ( your hunting land ) were gonna misout on the peace and enjoyment of the blessings he has for us. deep down i didn't want GOD to love my ex or bless her, but he had a lesson for me and he does for her, to bring us closer to him. that's what it is all about, if we die today none of our material things will matter, we will have our salvation, will they? our praying for them, giving them grace and forgivness will give us peace. i know what is important, is it gonna be easy? no. please pray for me, i will pray for you. i know this is the answer, because in the end GOD wants everyone to be saved. we have to transfere our feelings form the things around us to a heart of forgiveness. he will give you even better hunting land, and continue to bless me far more than i deserve. we need to love them and pray for them. take care my brother, GOD loves you and so do i.
Josh praying for you, give me a call if you need to talk.
Terry
Josh be careful i work a job that makes me blow off the hinges all the time.As i get older i say and do things before i think.When you work with drug pushers, rapist,child molesters and murders all day its hard to relax. Anger only gets stronger as it builds.Try to step back and think of the positive things in life.Like your great looking family.That's what i do.
QuoteOriginally posted by bucksdown:
josh, it's great how GOD speaks to us at just the right time. i heard a lesson from andy stanley, ( charles stanley's son )just this morning, and realized the reason for so many of my of our emtions comes from not seeing people as jesus does, forgiving them, and showing them the same grace he does. you maybe wondering how this applies to your situation. as the story of jesus teaching of the prodical son, he was talking to the pharises, followers, none believers, and believers, he loved them all no matter what they did or didn't do. just as the father had forgave his son, not knowing what he had done or are what he might do in the future, he welcomed him back, loved him just as he did, yet when they were in there mothers womb. this was all a conviction of why i still have anger built up inside of me, and why i am so judgemental of others. anger still surfaces when i see my ex-wife, she turned my life upside down, took so many things from me, just went on with her life like nothing had happened. GOD has blessed me in so many ways, but i'm still angry deep inside. i live with it everyday, how could she do that, here i'm trying to follow GOD with my life, she doesn't go to church anymore, goes to bars, gambles, and hangs out with all kinds of sinners, and now has the guy i suppected of her cheating with living with her and my girls everyother week. for me my anger comes from me not showing her grace and compassion for where she is, what she is doing or not doing. i understand your anger, you holding on to it, and wanting the people around you to change. i truly beleive the only way you and i can find the peace were seeking and the answers to our anger is to except the way things are, stop trying to change them, to make them see how they have hurt us, is to realize GOD loves them just as he does us, show them grace, and realize GOD is going to continue to bless us, and work in our lives. until we surrender it to him, give all our anger to him, we are the ones that will suffer. all the material things i lost, ( your hunting land ) were gonna misout on the peace and enjoyment of the blessings he has for us. deep down i didn't want GOD to love my ex or bless her, but he had a lesson for me and he does for her, to bring us closer to him. that's what it is all about, if we die today none of our material things will matter, we will have our salvation, will they? our praying for them, giving them grace and forgivness will give us peace. i know what is important, is it gonna be easy? no. please pray for me, i will pray for you. i know this is the answer, because in the end GOD wants everyone to be saved. we have to transfere our feelings form the things around us to a heart of forgiveness. he will give you even better hunting land, and continue to bless me far more than i deserve. we need to love them and pray for them. take care my brother, GOD loves you and so do i.
This is it!! Josh, read this and read it well...you don't need a doctor to tell you to release your anger or a book about it, Jesus is the answer, you do what this man says in his post and you come to the realization that he has come to and you will be well on your way. That is truth buddy and it's there for all of us, blessed is the man that finds it because comfort, joy and peace are what comes from it and beyond your WILDEST imagination! Jesus is awsome...trust me! Seek Him and he will make all your paths straight.
bucksdown: congrats buddy, it's so so awsome to hear others who have been born anew, we are truly blessed brother!...I will see ya when I get there. To Him be all the Glory!
Josh .. prayers from WI brother. Your not far away .. if you just need to get away this fall to hunt .. just to try something new .. PM me, I would be glad to set camp up in northern Wi for you ...
God Bless
Steve
Josh, When I read about your anger, I understood, when I saw a picture of your family, I didn't understand. YOU ARE A VERY RICH MAN! I firmly believe that the Lord gives us good things to make up for the bad. Keeping anger inside is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Focus on the good things you have. Don't be a slave to the past cuz it ruining the present.
Walk with God, when I played sports one thing that worked for me was deep breathing , breathe in big hold for 2or 3 seconds , let out slow..do this 3 times, this allows the brain to clam down and reverse your anger, the body cant do both. Most pro sports players know this .Watch a baseball game close sometime , you will see players doing it, it works...walk with him, mark#78...slow down...
prayers sent my brother. i know where your at, for YEARS a i have delat with severe anger and agression, it is only in the last few years i have found an innner peace so i can tell you things will work out. if you need some one to talk with send me a pm and i'll give ya a call.
To quote the late Peter Steele:
I've got a problem, a problem with hate
I really can't stop, dragging this weight
I built myself a nice little cage
With bars of anger and a lock of rage
I keep asking who has the key
When I know damn well, it's me
Sometimes it is hard to let things go. They fester inside, feeding the beast, making him more powerful and controlling. Do not let this rule your life. There is power in prayer, faith to make us stronger, the will of God to lead us. Once in a while it may dark, distant, or not clear. But God does have a plan for each of us.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.
Josh, please take solace in knowing that you are not alone, either in your feelings or in life. We may be right next door or thousands of miles apart, but time zones, continents and oceans are not enough to stop us from helping each other out.
I will pray for you and ask Saint Padre Pio for an intercession on your behalf. Be well my brother.
QuoteOriginally posted by fmscan:
Josh, When I read about your anger, I understood, when I saw a picture of your family, I didn't understand. YOU ARE A VERY RICH MAN!
That picture was taken in 2008 and I was the happiest I'd been in 6 years...it was short live as the mess started again that fall.
Funny how a snapshot of your life can show one thing yet your mind/heart hides another.
When I was at my worst in the summer/fall of 2006 not many knew exactly where my mind was...one person I've known for over 30 years didn't know I was where I was at mentally. You can put on a front but people have no idea what goes on behind that hollow facade.
I've been fighting the anger and taking a stand trying to fix what I know is wrong and I'm doing it the best I can.
I have a great wife and kids that part you got right...without them I'm nothing.
Thanks all...it has been an interesting couple of months.
Thanks,
Josh
Prayers continue, Josh.
Older I get the more I come to realize that nothing of value is ever easy...to get or hold onto once obtained.
Sometimes we dont get what we want because we ask God with the wrong heart and sometimes, because we don't ask expecting it to be received.
I'm probably guilty on those counts too often.
May your quest teach you dependence on Him and may His peace bring you your goals.
Keep the Son in your eyes!
still praying for you my friend, your not alone, just hollor if you want someone to talk with.
Continued prayers from California!
Josh,
I can relate to "how" you feel with the anger building up inside and slowly, but surely keeping YOUR mind on the person that is causing the HURT in your life. Yes......that's right, HURT is always at the bottom of an anger issue. It can come from just one person, or several that we feel are "working against" us. I have been dealing with a family member that has issues that I don't want to cloud your thread with, but let it suffice to say that this person had slowly, but surely put me in the same position that you are asking for help about.
For me, personally........as hard as it was, initially to do.......I had to pray for the good Lord to open the person's eyes and help them to see the error of their ways. I have (and continue to) prayed numerous times daily for this person to find the help that they need through Jesus Christ. I'm not gonna say that it was easy at first.......and to be quite honest, I'm not sure that I really "meant" all that I was asking the Lord to do for this person. Over time, it gets easier......and easier for me to ask for and I really sincerely mean what I am asking the Lord to do now.
Again, for ME......forgiveness is essential for my "sanity". Without it, I am "consumed" with vengeance towards this person. I just had to slowly but surely realize that this is in the Lords plan and he knows the BEST outcome for all involved......and TRULY trust that. This wasn't easy either, because I felt like I shouldn't just stand idly by and let the things happen that were going on. You see, the Lord gave us "free-will".......knowing that we were (and are going to) make mistakes and try to inject "our will" into the situation. It is human nature to do that and NOT an easy thing to "let go" of.
I am at a place now, where I can trust that a power greater than myself is at work and that the outcome will be in the best interest of all involved. I don't have to always like things, but I have to be able to "accept" them for what they are. Don't get me wrong, if there is something that I can do that needs to be done, I get off my keyster and do it. I don't stand by and have regrets later that "I should have" done anything. I ask for guidance in my choices and for direction to do what is necessary to carry out Gods will. Resentment, given enough time inside the mind of any "human" will slowly destroy the "best" of what is inside. It simply isn't worth it to me. Acceptance and Forgiveness are essential for ME to remain somewhat "sane". Without it I am LOST.......in anger and resentment.
Forgiveness is one thing and "forgetting" is quite another. I can forgive, but will NEVER forget what someone put me through. Especially when they "keep repeating" the same offense, over and over. I just keep praying for them and myself to find the guidance that we both so desperately need. I apologize for the long length of this reply........but I felt a need to put it ALL out there. I hope it gives you some of the same "PEACE" that it has me.
If you ever want to just talk........I'm a pretty good listener and will gladly PM you my phone number.
God Bless YOU........sir, for having the courage to ask for help.
Winterhawk1960
Prayers and PM sent!
I just wanted to give a quick thanks to everyone that has replied and PM'd...I appreciate them all! I haven't had time with everything going on to reply to all of them (I've read them all via email) but I wanted to let people know it has helped a lot!
Thanks,
Josh
Praise God