I'm not much of a sympathy seeker but need to vent a little. Yesterday morning my mother called me at work and told me my youngest brother had committed suicide. It was his 31st birthday and she was bringing him a birthday cake to find him dead from hanging himself. My poor mother! He had been fighting depression for a while and we thought he was getting better, but he said he just couldn't take it any longer. He was my best friend! I was more like a father to him because of our age difference. This is like losing one of your children. We did everything together. From chasing elk in the Rockies, Bass in Canada, food plots, tree stands, Whitetails, Spring Gobblers and small game. He was hands down the best I knew for picking the spot to kill a deer. Or he was just damn lucky. The boy could climb a light pole in a Wal Mart parking lot and kill a big one. We are learning by notes and things he had done, that he had planned this for a very long time. I had to spend all day driving today getting my kids rounded up. One in the service and one in college. In 14 hours or so of driving you can't get it out of your head. You sort of feel robbed, mad, Hurt. He wouldn't talk to me about his issues because I'm a hard ass. I get to live with that the rest of my life. I don't even Know if I'll ever be able to hunt again, because everything is going to remind me of him! Maybe I'm just being selfish. In closing. If anyone has a friend or family member that is troubled with this terrible sickness do everything in your power to help them! I didn't do enough! I'll have to live with this the rest of my life. I hope none of you ever have to! I'm gonna miss that little bastard!
John
I am very sorry for your lost. Easy to say, but you are not responsible for this tragedy. I hope that you can eventually let yourself off the hook.
I agree, you can't blame yourself. He wouldn't want you to.
There is not much one can say apart from I am sorry for your lose and your pain.
If someone does not come to you for help, there is not much you can do and even then, maybe nothing you could have done.
My thoughts are with you and your family
Alex
Bud, I lost a brother in similar fashion. He actually left no note and we don't know if it was an accident or intentional.
Been about 20 years so we may never know but I know exactly the way you feel.
In life lots of really bad things happen to us. You can stay down or try and find the positive.
I, myself have a David Mann (easy rider illustrator)
tattoo on my quad. It's a guy and his girl on a bike. They're leaving a cold wintry scene and riding into Daytona.
From split rail northern fence full of snow into palm trees and seagulls.
The road they're driving on says "It Gets Better".
Every winter turns to summer. Every night has a day. It all gets better sometime.
While I do not want to take the grieving away from you cause it's necessary try and find something positive to grasp.
Your family is gonna need that.
I said to myself during the time that least it wasn't a car accident with all my brothers in it.
Maybe weak but it made me thankful for something.
There's more but if you need to talk pm me and I'll try and help.
Prayers for you and your family during a really rough time.
I'm very sorry
I just lost a cousin to suicide. His problems had gone on for a very long time and I think those closest to him did everything that they could.
It's not reasonable or helpful to blame yourself.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you're feeling at this point but I don't think your brother would want you to quit hunting I would think he would want you to get out there as much as possible and enjoy every minute you could!
John, I am so sorry for your loss.
Thanks guys! I have a long rough row to hoe. Getting thru visitation today and services tomorrow. He is being cremated and wants me to spread his ashes alone on a "mountain in the clouds" that we climbed together in New Mexico (Unit 53) a few years back. So we can be together one last time.
John
The reality is you and your family most likely did do everything you could for him. The ones that are determined to end their life usually don't leave any clues leading up to it. I'm real sorry for your loss.